Following three months of frenetic energy and inspiration through #DrawingAugust, #PaintSeptember and #PrintOctober this month has been about the frustration of non-doing. Not a lack of ideas but rather the ability for life to take over with other priorities. Other than revisiting urban code in a photo walk around Birmingham with Pete Ashton this month has been a series of stop-start and failed outcomes.
Interesting to observe how this lack of progress disrupts the flow and equilibrium to the point of being quite destructive – the inner voice critical and this spills over into what others observe. The realisation that the urge to explore what surrounds us through making art is born out of loneliness, a really deep and profound feeling of being out of step with others who find satisfaction seemingly easy. Non doing this month has fragmented my connection with my self.
Attempts to carve time out have been thwarted by processes not working in the way that I would like; photosensitive screens not exposing correctly, cyanotype images washing out. Points where I have questioned – what’s the point? Internal dialogue interrupted and stalled.
The ingredients for what is in my head are there but the clarity is not. So let’s see what the next month brings.